We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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