I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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