he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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