He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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