We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
