just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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