She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
