I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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