At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
