The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
