I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
