oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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