I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
