WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
