If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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