I'm so fucking centered right now
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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