you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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