i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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