i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
whose parrot is this?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
