Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
