I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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