went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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