Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you win again, gameday.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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