Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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