I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
