i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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