I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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