girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
