oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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