Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
