they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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