I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
