actually, I'm a sock model
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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