Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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