One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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