Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize