If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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