On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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