Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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