I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's intense
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize