I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
this just has baby written all over it
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
