he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
