Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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