We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
