Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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