i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
