I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
