Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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