i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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