So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
