I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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