I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
