oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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