ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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