shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
high people should be assigned attendants
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize