I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
