I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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