Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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