Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
