shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
