i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize