i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We need to get me chipped asap
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
