Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
