Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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