what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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