I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
