It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You left your phone here
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