well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
where am i from again
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
