I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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