I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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