Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
