I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
