but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
