I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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