**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
