Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
