It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize